Bah Hum Bug!

Christmas ornaments annoy me. I'm a grumpy christmas person, it's stressful and I bore easily. But I do like coloured glass. And gold. Things that sparkle. And gleam. Yes, A very (late) Bah Hum Bug to all.

Bourgeoisie Pomp!

Where to start with this chantilly pompadour of a shoe?  High tea anyone? The bourgeoisie of Italian haute couture it seems. Yes it's fun and frivilious, whimsical even but...hmmmm I kind of want to eat it rather than wear it. Whipped cream please.

And now for something almost completely different.

Royal Jewels

The holy mother Prada and it's ROYAL JEWELS.  Pretty and sparkly, ultra fem and fabulous.  I'd kick for it! Gaudy in a grandma 1960s way but have some imagination you know these will look stunning when you are decked out for NYE.  

And these are the real royal jewels...Enjoy and drool! 

Sergio Rossi Goes Memphis.

I never use pictures that aren't my own...but this time it was an emergency. (Picture comes from the folks at Sergio Rossi).  

Sergio Rossi has gone Memphis.  And for once I'm not complaining.  For some of the younger folks let me explain a little.  It was an 80s design movement led by Ettore Sottsass. The inspiration came from 50s kitsch  mixed in with a futuristic pop art style. Seeing it for the first time as a relatively stupid 18 year old, it disturbed   me intensely by its ridiculous joie de vivre. I recalled 'oh yeah that movie, that Danny Devito and Bette Midler film, Ruthless People' and it seemed to make some sort of  seasick sense but only to convey how the nouveau riche have bad taste.  But now after 11 years it means something else to me.  It's a celebration of pure creativity, of coming together and doing something new, different, a development of design.  I finally understand what my 1st year Professors were talking about.  Design should not be shut up in that dark box to decay with the dust and mould, the same square, the same rectangle, oh no we can't produce a circle, God forbid we try something new, God forbid we come together to produce a new house of thought.  And that my fellow sacrificers is the difference between cultures.  In Italy one is allowed to ACTUALLY design.  In Italy you don't get laughed at for experimenting, trying, being creative, doing something DIFFERENT, damn just being fabulous here is a normality, one gets praised, called intelligent for being a designer or artist.

Creativity has nothing to do with money. You do it because it is a need, a release of a bubbling colourful energy deep inside the soul.  Some people create children and others create objects, wearable art, write books, create cakes.  For  goodness sake, people start things because it's normal to strike out, follow a dream.  Why aren't people doing their Oprah 'aha' moments?

Hmmmm ranty therapy is over, to the shoe.

Errrrrrr...This pump, is a symbol of a new wonderful expression of design art. Delicate and bold, strong and distinctive. Mixed textures, pattern and materials.  This baby already for me has caused such an internal design stir I don't think I need to say more.

Car Shoe

I like these fancy tassle loafers, maybe its the snake skin or maybe it's because it has a grandious buccanneer  fru fru appeal to it.  All I can hear when I look at these is Peter Ustinov's voice laughing in a 'aha, aha' kind of way.  The question is Sacrificers would you be caught dead wearin' em'?

Chicken liver pip squeak, mate!

What a Croc of....

A good structured crocodile bag is like having a tall, strong man about the house.  It doesn't fall to pieces, reliable and can reach the 'top drawer'.  Yeah thats right, Structured crocodile bags are top drawer. It looks like it popped out of a 1950s Vogue.  Take me back. Anyone up for some time travel?

 

Men's Oxford Brogue - A.Testoni

Luxury has a price tag. As a footwear designer I can appreciate such beauty in craftmanship, thought and time. So let me break it down, these aren't that expensive when you think about it.

The basics; handcrafted in Italy (refined hand - like Pygmalion sculpting Galatea), Italian leather, a fine Nappa (usually a full grain, unsplit-kid skin - it means it's like butter).

A little more detail; piping border (I once designed a pair of shoes that took the stitching lady one hour to only do the left...get it?).  Welt stitching on sole, this is not a fake bullshit stamped get em' in, get em' out type of sole.  This is the real deal.  The sole ain't made of some hocus pocus plastic this is VERO CUOIO bitches.  The brogue detail, all punched by hand and let's not forget the modellist. A serious profession that takes sweat, blood and tears to master, they are in my opinion better than any designer. And let's not forget the finishing (i've been to some of the best factories in Italy, they have been so amazing I could have eaten off the floor, the attention to detail, the love that poured into every shoe to achieve perfection made me weep - of course if I had a heart). Look at the pictures,  Delicious!

s

In case you are a non believer. It sure put a spell on me. Enjoy another master. Screamin Jay....

Walking Tapestry

Wow! My high school librarian is finally in fashion.  It only took her 15 years but she finally can walk around in her carpet jacket without her apparent lack of shame.  Though I am sure the sniggers of bitchy teen girls calling her 'carpet bagger' or 'vance pants' won't stop even if it is a Dolce & Gabbana number, and hers is/was so not.

Pros - You can blend into you're grandma's wall and steal all the tea biscuits.

Cons - As if I have to explain that one.

Yo frump dress! You are half lacey potato sack, half my mothers hand stitiching phase from the 90s and you cost a wooping arse kicking €5000.  Hey ma, why didn't you become a fashion designer?

Hoth Fashion

As I snapped these photos I said (loudly, in English) ''LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER IT IS YOUR DESTINY'' and added the usual Vader breathing sound effects.  Yes the snob Milanese did a double take and screwed up their siliconed faces ''Who is this ragazza?'' b'oh?

MAYDAY MAYDAY!

NERD ALERT!!!! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK!

Take me to Hoth I wanna do a galatic Sci-Fi spread of fabulosity. Star Wars, Storm Trooper Mod 60s chic.  This is what my people want, fashion moon walking.

 I can't resist. This dedicated to my Bro

Its! Robin Hood!

God have mercy on its sole!

Instantly I had Disney's 1950s/60s version of ROBIN HOOD.  Then it all came back to me, the voice of the fat chicken, Lady Kluck (northener accent, my first accent I ever tried to mimic). ''Maid Marrion, don't loook arrrround, I think we're surrrounded.''  Apart from taking me back to my favourite childhood cartoon, (yeah I wore out the VHS) I immediately thought, it's felt! How in showery hell will that keep the wet out?  Call me practical, (call me my mother) but seriously designers, the powers that be, is this going to keep my feet dry?  Felt should be for slippers, indoors people, indoors. Like the hidious UGG Boots, you are not fashion, you are house bound, you are trakkydak slob wear for INDOOR EYES ONLY.  Do you understand Robin Hood sneakers? With your Voodoo Vince stitching, your playful flapping bits at the back.  Such frivolity, I can't take it.  Oh cruel world you play jokes on the consumer, yes you seem warm and snug with your felt ways and your vulcanized sole.  But I see your tricks, you're as tranparent as a gelatinous blob, you can't fool me this winter...

But after it's been said the little soap and sacrificer in me says, but It's Robin Hood.  You love Robin Hood.  Yeah it's cute, if I was 10.

 

Seize the fat one! 

Swaroski propaganda

You know how I said I was over the sparkly designs that have been plaguing the Italian streets for far too long. I lied.  No I will not be shitting out a Zsa Zsa Gabor.  As I watched this, a big woooooosh of inspiration piled into my inner jelly blob (my brain).  Visions.  I HAVE VISIONS FOR THE WORLD OF TOMORROooooow. Nah, nothing quite as dramatic some of it's poo, some of it's magical.  Enjoy fellow soap and sacrificers.  

From the vault

All Saint's Day

Yes, I'm late with it.  

What's with the continued fascination with skull heads?  It's eery, it's positvely spooky, it's creepy and kooky.  It always reminds me of growing up with that skull head placed in our library at home strategically placed next to that horror, the cow's tooth. Thanks Dad.  (It exsisted in our house for medical studies).  Funny though I found the cow's tooth way more disturbing than that of that poor individuals skull.  I did play with that skull and I'm pretty sure my siblings and I terrorised friends with it.  Off beat children!  Hilarious when people scream...MUAWAHAHAHAHAHA. 

On a serious note, what the hell is with the tartan. I offend my brother inlaw now but shit people don't bring it 'scottish' back they ain't known for the flair only flashing of their bits and haggis and who the hell eats that shit?

 

One old shade of grey

I'd call it Pantone Cool Grey 5 personally. A respectable grey.
The saddle reminds me of a Groucho Marx moustache.  If fact I imagine a man of his good wit, taste, checkered bow tie wearing and stinky cigar smoking to fashion these and let's not forget that important word, afford.

Versace studded bag

Snobby Rock n' Roll? Ahh bollocks to that. That's not the point of sticking it to the man. It looks good but Rock n' Roll is dirty, would you take your Versace bag to a pub that stank like sweat, stale beer and piss? I highly doubt it.

Shitting out a Zsa Zsa

If I see any more sparkles i'm going to shit out a rainbow!  It's a little bit disco duck (useless song), it's a little  bit tack-o-rama (anybody that lives in the south of any country) and it's a little bit 80s Zsa Zsa Gabor (all 50 husbands included).  Dance to that you hypnotising shiney disco loving, husband marrying, embellished southerner shoe bootie! And with that expect to get your toes wet.

Booties, unforgiving. They also make your legs look fat. 

Papal explosion!

The Papalcy explosion of footwear. Luxury goods never looked so unattainable before in my life. And like religion it will remain a mystery until the end.

I'm that hungry puppy lickin' my chops infront of the butcher or that fat chick on a diet looking lovingly into the window display of a pastry shop.

There is a lot of loafer business going around. I wouldn't wear these on a rainy day but then again I will will be using my legs and an umbrella and not my pope-mobile.

 

The counts

Sometimes it's just the details that counts.  Count the discount!

And now COUNT this!

Artisan

So it's come to this...

What the hell?  You couldn't think of anything original? Oh let me just rehash what's already been done, what a freaking cop-out.  It's your damn job to have original ideas man.  Don't bullshit me and say it's a homage to icons past. Blah, blah fucking blah.  

Being a little ticked off by the lack of thought that went into this Spring 2013, I will agree on only one thing, the Boy George Japanese prints were lovely.  That's all you get from me though.

And for those younger few who don't know what the fuck you're watching here's the breakdown (google it, kids).  Please anyone correct me if i'm wrong....

Grace Jones

Annie Lenox

Madonna

Mylène Farmer 

Boy George

Jane Birkin 

Michael Jackson 

Sade

ABBA 

David Bowie/Ziggy Stardust 

Amanda Lear (she's the one who looks like a tranny)

Now this is a commercial

Now this, is a footwear commercial.  None of your 'i'm just a party girl living in the world hehehe. Carefree and flexibile etc etc. I can make our problems disappear with a big tub of chocolate ice-cream.'  I say big hairy testicles to you.  Be slighty more creative, dear publicity people. It's your fucking job!

BAM! They just knocked it up a notch.

The highs of Sacrifice

It's been a crazy time and I have felt the neglect to my beloved Soap and Sacrifice.  Never has the Sacrifice part of my life been so hard.  Life, it takes you places the highs and the lows and talking of highs here is a pair the Abruzzese kids are throwing into their closets, toppling around in and looking cool and actually looking taller, we be a short type of people.

Apparently in Abruzzo there have been a few (A LOT) UFO sightings, maybe it's a little something like this?  Or maybe it is like if I was living in the Mid West of the USA or Queensland, Aus?

Apologies and my true love

Hi kids!

Sorry I've been slack, actually i've been running around travelling here and there getting design stuffs done and dusted.  My apologies for being a lazy chicken.

You know how i'm super biast about my true love for Holy Prada and all it's glory that it stands for? Well, as I witnessed the Prada parade for Autumn/Winter 2012 I was a little, b'oh? Disappointed, comes to mind.  I thought now hang on young lady, give the old gal a chance (Prada is definately a Fem-God) watch the campaign ad maybe you'll experience a new insight?  Well, I wasn't disappointed anymore, my love for 60s/70s Sci-Fi fab was translated.  Why had I not noticed this grandness before.  It's a definate SOAP-dish for me...Watch and tell me if you see the beauty.

Enjoy Geeks!

Luciano Padovan...no no

Aren't we getting a little tired of bows? White patent? Also eeeww.  It looks like a clown shoe.  I'm just waiting for the VW.

Miu Miu making me sparkly.

Yeah! Give some of that sparkle shit imma gonna get all pretty yall!  Love, love, love anything that sparkle and shines (I love anything that comes out of Miu Miu and Prada).  It's like looking at a 1980s perfermance of Liza (that's with a Z) all coked up and 'bright eyed'.  Oooooo Buttons!

    

Pant shhuit's a rocking that blingy bling shtuffs.  If she got any shhy shhy with her voice her dentures for sure would fall onto the first row.  Ain't she the greatest?  YES!

Summer dress

Yep, another clip from the 1940s. Heaven.

METALLICA baby!

Really guys? Socks n' sandals...Are you sure you want to do that?  The metallica dats I can do. Hells yeah!  Hello 1994 when my mother wouldn't let me buy a pair of electric blue pants from Dotti.  And now I don't have the gusto to get away with it...ahh maybe i'll get those sandals in blue instead, minus the sock.

Square it on the level

Square, get your square on.  Mathematics rocks!  If I could be a shape any shape in the world I wouldn't be a square but I'd be a dodecahedron.  BAM!  I just knocked it up a notch.  You?

 

Tribal band wagon

Yes, not really my schtick but bead work always fascinates me.  So in honor of patience, sit back and listen to a delightful exotica tribal tune from Les Baxter 'Ritual of the Savage'.  May the cannibals treat you nicely and warmly...Here, jump into this hot bath and can you hold this bunch of parsely?

                            

 

Gone Fishin'...Window display

Another quaint window display, fitting for summer...Hmmm fish n' chips.  Leathery fish n' chips?

Obession Green Snake Skin

It's incredibly popular and refreshing like a wheatgerm shot. It tastes funny but in the long run it's good for you and probably gets your guts moving.  Well. that's what they make you believe.

Nah, green snake skin is grrrreat! Rah!

Fast Footwear

 

It just looks fast.

More Casadei

Cont... More fluro madness brought to you by the colour challenged Casadei -ers.  Fluro green and orange, together is cringing.  Scratch your nails down the blackboard already. 

Fluro manics

Flinch and it could cut ya! Fluro is one of those things that makes you go oooooo but does it enter into your wardrobe?  90s rave wear doesn't count either so just forget that.

to be cont...

Cigarettes and Kisses.

ehhhhh pucker up schweet-eart!  Mamma wants to give you a big tar filled kissy wissy (coughs up flem-ball).  How do you like that?

Depend bag.

If I ever had dinner with a rattle snake I'd take you along with me, that's if it was a 4pm pensioners special.  What the hell is the matter with these designers?  I mean I love a structured bag, I know, you know, we all know.   A retroesque bag is good good good but seriously guys let's add a bit more modern to the kitty.  Ok fine, the leathers are beautiful, the finishing is great, but I want to pee my pants when I see all these qualities in a bag, not a wear an incontinence nappy...Get back into life with depend!  You remember that commercial?  Get an old desperate Hollywood starlet to promote and Bob's your uncle, you're the new proud owner of this bag.

Oh June Allyson what did they do to you?  Nice Cardy BTW...